10 Jobs for George, or What to Do With an Ex-President

On January 20, 2009, George W. Bush joined the ranks of the 10.3 million other unemployed Americans. The normal post-presidential pursuits—authoring an introspective memoir, lucrative speaking engagements—are not open to George, so it leaves one to wonder: What should a 62-year-old man with a resumé remarkable only for the devastation left in its wake do with his time?

In a spirit of forgiveness and reconciliation, I offer a few suggestions:

1. Batboy for the Phillies. Sure, he’d have to relocate, but he loves baseball and he might enjoy being part of a winning team for a change.
2. Animal control official. He could feed his capital punishment jones and maybe even get his first hands-on execution experience!
3. Embryo nanny. Someone needs to take care of all those poor little pre-born humans.
4. Science editor for the Journal of American Physicians and Surgeons. Hey, his opinion is just as good as anyone’ else’s.
5. Replacement for Alan Colmes. Sean Hannity could use an Ed McMahon-like sidekick.
6. Candid Camera host. Wouldn’t it be great if the last eight years was just an elaborate practical joke?
7. Nigerian banking official. (“I have the Courage to crave indulgence for this important business…”)
8. Executive director, National Wetlands Coalition. Who knows? Maybe the cachet an ex-POTUS could bring would wheeze new life into this organization. And we know he’d be acceptable to the board.
9. Employee performance-management trainer. From Donald Rumsfeld to Michael Brown, this guy knows how to pick ‘em and provide valuable feedback. (Great  Moments in Mentorship: “Brownie, you’re
10. Docent at the Creation Museum. Sure, he’d have to buff up his public-speaking skills, but at least he’d finally fulfill that “Education President” dream. And he’d be among friends in case of Rapture.

Feel free to add your own suggestions—he needs all the help he can get.